Transformers, Robots In Da Skies

So, Ben and I are geniuses (clearly), and this time, we finally outdid ourselves. We took a relatively boring activity, fishing, and combined it with the thrill of possibly the best recreational past time ever, kite flying, and created an even bigger thrill.

Kite Fishing

It was inevitable, really. For as much as Ben and I fly kites, eventually, we had to find a way to make the process more efficient. Nobody likes to wind in a kite, but people actually seem to enjoy reeling in a fish, so much so that it is a televised sport. So we figured, why not reel in a kite. It's faster, more fun, and more satisfying. And it's so much easier to get a kite up in the air when all you have to do is release a little button to let string out, and push it down again to stop it, and with the flick of the wrist, you can direct your kite into drafts.

This, admittedly, wasn't the first time we went kite fishing. Unfortunately, Ben didn't bring his camera the first time, and this story is better told with pictures to illustrate the sheer awesomeness of what we have stumbled upon. And it's a mixed blessing that we didn't have a camera that first test flight, as kite fishing is more complicated than it seems. Gizmo's trunk is full of the corpses of kites that have fallen in the line of duty, failed trials in our attempts to touch the heavens with thin sheets of plastic. In fact, the reason we both have the same kite is that Ben's is actually a Frankenkite, a poor, miserable creature fused from the bodies of lesser kites.

From left to right, Frankenkite, Optimus Prime


Frankenkite in your face!

Ben's first Kite of the day, Cars, was nearly cut in half, by my 10 lb fishing line kite string. That is one of the more unfortunate things about using fishing line rather than kite string. The other, is that, once you loose sight of it, you will most likely never find it again. In addition to Cars, two Ironmans, like, three Spidermans, Elmo, and Nemo all fell or were lost in in our efforts to perfect this, as well as two whole fishing rods and one reel were ruined. Biggest problem was that you can't let fishing line out all the way, or it will come off, and your kite will just fly away, if you're lucky, to get stuck in a tree, or worse, it just is lost, never to be found again. And then then, the whole reattaching it gave us near infinite troubles.

"You attach the string, and then you reel it in." -wisdom of Ben, the wise old sea captain.

In our first attempt, I had managed to find my first kite after it had gotten free, stuck up in a tree. I realized how odd a scene it must have been, for one of my neighbors to look out the window, and see some young guy standing in your backyard, just reeling in a fishing line. Naturally, they called the cops, and for the first time, we were doing nothing wrong. By the time the cops showed, we were back on public property, successfully flying kites. So they sat there for a few minutes, and then left, defeated, without even getting out of their pigmobile. Victory was was almost as sweet as the success of our kite flying.

"I'm standing on the most ineffective dam in the world, flying the most bad ass kite in the world, and somehow, I am breaking no laws. And I'm not wearing shoes!"

Still though, the sacrifices were worth it. By the time today that we had everything ready, and a camera, we had no problems flying our kites in the best way possible. Well, that's not entirely true. I think I suck at flying kites, but Ben is the best in the world. Even though he had an awful frankenkite, he still managed to fly it. I don't know, I guess I am just a giant douche. Something like that. It was pretty funny though. I had little difficulty getting Optimus to his optimal range in minimal wind, and then had time to sit back, tool around with Owlybird, my little, Jewish owl kite, and let Optimus just do his own thing whilst Ben rocked the entire world for the better part of a half hour, maybe more.

Owlybird, wearing his purple yamika.


My kite, doing a wonderful job of flying, unattended.


"I would rather have E. Coli than this kite."

Now, for those of you who wish to try this at home, and you all know you do, as of yet, we have not copyrighted the kite fisher, so we're all right with you making your own. Patent it yourself, and their will be hell to pay. Consider yourselves forewarned. Anyways, some advice. don't waste your time buying the cheapest thing available. It's not an expensive toy, but, you get what you pay for, so be prepared to buy the second least expensive thing and save yourself a second trip to Walmart. The first trip was bad enough. I'd stay away from kits. Again, you might think you're saving yourself a few bucks, but really, your costing yourself enough frustration to cause real actual stress, and that's not what kite flying is all about. We've been kind enough to endure the stress so you don't have to. At Walmart, we were able to get a cheap reel for around seven dollars, and with rods, I'm reasonably sure you can't go wrong. We recommend taking off the top half of the rod anyways. True, you may get a bit more control, but it didn't seem to be worth the extra hassle. It's up to you though.

"Buy a Zebco reel. Avoid anything named after famous playwright Bill Shakespeare. He had nothing to do with fishing"

As far as kites go, don't waste your time with the little diamond ones. Again in this situation, cheaper is not to your advantage. They work fine, provided you have a strong wind. And your kite fisher is something you should be able to enjoy in even the most minimal amount of wind. The bigger, delta shaped kites generally run around $3 to $3.50, which isn't terribly expensive, cheap enough so you won't be hurting if you only lose one. And it does happen.

"If I didn't get it right on the first try, who are you to think you might do better? Just remember, god hates a coward."

Last but not least, you're going to need to some cool shades. Staring up on a sunny day is inconvenient at best. You should probably own these, but if you don't, don't be afraid to go cheap. Ben found these in the car door loose junk holder of his Paseo.

"I usually don't wear sunglasses, because my face is crooked."

All in all, you're looking to spend around $17 on your kite fisher, provided you have to buy everything, less if you have on old fishing rod lying around in your garage or a trunk full of kites.