Mr. Linganore

I went to the Mr. Linganore Pageant at my old high school last night. I had nothing better to do, and my mother was going, so I figured why not. It wasn't until I was already in the car that my mother reminded me that i haven't been to the new school.

"Turn the car around."

I almost had her do it to. I had seen the new building from the parking lot once, and had seen the wreckage that was my high school on more than a few occasions, but something about actually going in, doing something that I had done before in the old building, it seemed like admitting defeat.

Not that I wasn't defeated, or could have done anything besides refuse to acknowledge it. I don't even know why I cared so much. It's not like I really liked high school.

That's not true, nor is it fair. I didn't like learning, so much that it created a rather bad atmosphere, but it's where I saw and met most of my friends, and while the building itself was in bad, bad shape, despite this, I have a lot of good memories, both real and fake, that happened in that school.

The new building, well, it looks all efficient and modern. I was surprised to see they already had portables behind the school, seems they wanted a repeat of the problem they had at the old school, but then again, I had forgotten that they are still building another school to shove the kids in.

I'm told there is no way to get in the tower. Why?!

Still, I wanted to go, as as this years group of seniors was the class that were Freshmen when I was a Junior, probably my best year, and the year I "adopted" many, many freshmen. Three of these were in the pageant, and another one was working behind the scenes, so I figured i might as well. Maybe I could take credit for their awesomeness, my influence got them where they are.

It didn't, but it was nice to see them, and remember some people I was almost entirely nice to.

Another thing about those Freshmen that I adopted, I nicknamed them all. Well, actually, for whatever reason, I never nicknamed Danny French, but he was in it, and he should have one, and I didn't personally give Bobby Rankin the name "Sweet Pea", but he was also in it. I did give Bobby Martin the name "Sweet Cheeks" (a long story, for another day). Also, Kevin Cole, dubbed "Studmuffin", was in the background, with his awesome voice, befitting a guy called "Studmuffin" working lights. I also managed to see Ryan Barron, aka "Rydog", Adam Eisenstadt, given the name "Munch", but not by me, Rusty Martin, named "Cap'n Abilicious" (he made me attest to his abs in front of his girlfriend, it was to say the least, awkward), and Eva Creswell, who was, due to creative inhibitations on my part, named aptly "Minion Number Two" (Minion Number One was not there, sadly).

Also, it is necessary to mention, should you be in some sort of talent contest, aand are able to do a Rubiks cube while blindfolded, don't waste everyone's time doing it once first with you're eyes open. It was too long, we were already impressed before the blindfold, and then were dissappointed that you couldn't do it with the same stellar speed whilst blind. And should you fail, which he didn't, we would remember your failure over your success. Also, I'd like to ask the question, how is that possible.

I shouldn't complain about that kid, as there were a few who actually had no talent. I'm sure they did, they just failed to display it. One kid, who I believe was wearing crutches to both get out of the awful, awful square dancing competition, and to get some sympathy votes. He needed them. FOr his talent portion, he had some other kid (who had apparently just become a father, having knocked up a girl who my mother tried hard to hook me up with) act like a vantriliquist dummy for the worst comedy act I've ever seen.

Then, to top this kid, some other kid I didn't know got up on the stage with a guitar, giving us fair warning that he had just learned guitar two weeks ago, and then proceeded to render a second of the night, and also the worst, Star Spangled Banner, I have ever heard. I was ticked when I realized what he was doing as it meant I had to stand again (I didn't come to this thing to stand, for my country or not), and then it was just awful. I could tell he tried to do it Jimmy Hendrix style, but he got nowhere fast.

Also, I should close saying that I have now seen six dudes in person doing the Beyonce's "Single Ladies". I was less thn impressed.