The Champion

I will never eat my fruit again.

Well, that's just not true, but after having enjoyed the luxury of drinking it, it will be most difficult to go back to the old, primitive way of consuming the recommended three to five servings of fruit.

This is The Champion. Humble looking, but powerful enough to turn fruits, vegetables, fregetables, and just about anything you can fit down its tube into liquid.

Anyways, my one sister Heather gave my other sister Kellie a juicer, and last night, Kellie, Mike and I were playing with it. And may I say, well, anyone who knows me knows I really don't enjoy food all that much, I mostly eat it because I have to. But this, this was fun.

Look how excited we are. I don't think I got this excited for Christmas.

So, first of all, you know this thing is heavy duty before you even set it up, just from picking it up. It weighs, easily, twenty pounds; thing is a monster. And once you set it up, the real fun begins. you just take anything, and I'm pretty sure I'm being quite literal when I say anything, and ram it down the pipe, and BAM! You got juice.

Little known fact. Up there with shooting small animals and doing jump kicks, juicing things is one of the most masculine things you can do.

We started simple, chucking a couple of apples in, and when we were thoroughly satisfied with the outcome, we stepped it up to blackberries. these were less enjoyable on all accounts, as the "juice" was more of a sludge, and it was just kind of a mess. Still, after the blackberries, we found some tangerines. Now Mike, being the voice of reason, suggested we clean out the blackberries before throwing citrus in there. Of course, Kellie and I ignored him and just started feeding in the tangerines. And of course, before any tangerines juice fell out into the juice receptical, quite a bit more blackberry sludge come tumbling out. Not perturbed by this in the least, we proceeded to add a couple more apples, and then, also against Mike's advice, some carrots. And then, a banana. See, the banana is just not a juicy fruit, and about, yeah pretty much all of it came out the other end where the waste comes out. Not wanting to waste the banana, Kellie quickly caught it and put it in the bowl. Then, while Mike was in the other room, we tossed in a few more carrots, because we could, and we were finally ready to try our juice.

Here's me trying to mash up the banana bits into the juice.

I really wish we had gotten pictures of our reaction to this juice because it was, well, I don't have words for it. I mean, awful doesn't really some it up as well as I'd like, and to say that it tasted like a mountain lion had vomited rotten oranges into my mouth is both too verbose and still does not accurately sum it up. You get the idea though.

My nephew Jack, drawn close by its hypnotic power. Had we not intervened, it probably would have juiced him whole.

Fortunately, Mike and I have a secret cure all, that tastes good in about everything (though not coffee, and most definitely not as a substitute for the cheese powder in mac and cheese, even though the powders look the same). Yeah, we fixed it with tang. There was still a mildly unpleasant aftertaste, but as I've said, tang fixes just about everything. (There was even a "Tang Saves Santa" Christmas Special)

All in all, the most fun I've had in awhile, and easily the most fun I've ever had with food. I may just have to invest in a juicer myself.